


all your personal space

by fated_addiction



Series: let's talk about the weather [3]
Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25492735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: She’s more than aware that she wears a particular tone in her voice these days.Wendy tries to set goals.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Series: let's talk about the weather [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843702
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96





	all your personal space

-

they don’t talk for a week.

wendy has nothing to say.

her therapist’s office is on the fourteenth floor.

“ _how_ are you doing,” the woman half-asks, and wendy is sure she’s just ask interested in her as she is being here. company-mandated, of course.

“fine.” wendy lets herself stand for a little while. she is going to try dancing today; nothing to serious, but something that’s enough for her body to be comfortable again. “at least for now, i think.”

“what makes you say that?”

“isn’t that a leading question?” the therapist looks at wendy with surprise and she shrugs. wendy pushes her hair out of her eyes. “sorry,” she doesn’t apologize. “i’ve had a lot of time to google things these days.”

she’s more than aware that she wears a particular tone in her voice these days. that people are walking around her like she’s glass or just straight broken, undercutting their sincerity with too much positive affirmation. i’m _allowed_ to be angry, she wants to demand. but that’s not the right thing to do. she’s not that person.

“seems like something’s changed.”

“what?”

“something has changed,” the therapist says. she waves a hand around. “you seem... charged.”

wendy snorts.

but the woman ignores her. or maybe she’s trying to be careful. wendy is usually good at reading people.

“did something happen?” there’s the question.

“telling me i'm charged makes me seem like a battery. i have a lot of energy,” wendy barely thinks through her reply. “and nowhere to put it.”

“that’s not an answer.”

“i don’t know what you want me to say?” wendy turns and sits but sits carefully. mindful of her legs. stretches her arms out. her soreness usually ghosts right about now, late afternoon because her mornings are jammed with her physical therapy and voice lessons. it’s an easier distraction. “i mean the last time you told me to journal and made a joke about song writing and look, i tried... i just couldn’t take it seriously.”

“and why is that?”

wendy thinks of irene. then of the other girls. thinks of all the things she’d rather be doing and isn’t. she tries really hard not to. but even that feels like a burden.

“because it’s really not that simple,” she says. her head drops gently against the back of the chair. “no one can bullet point your problems. people are infinitely more complicated than just putting it -“ wendy stops herself. she sits back up. “have you ever been in love?”

“what?”

wendy shakes her head. “i can’t believe i’m saying this out loud. but have you?”

“i’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“of course you don’t. that’s not what you’re getting paid for.”

the therapist frowns. “seungwan-ssi, i-“

“i’m not in love,” she says. sort of pauses too. she’s lying but she’s not. her head spins a little. “i could be,” she says too. “and i think everything was set into motion by a confession meant for someone else. which was also sort of... off.”

the therapist says nothing. there isn’t anything to say. she sits and stares at wendy.

so wendy ends it.

“i’m a mess, you know?”

seulgi buys her tea.

it doesn’t come out of nowhere: she shows up in wendy’s practice room, says something like _quality time!_ and every bit of it is totally genuine, something that makes her mood worse. it’s no one’s fault, she tells herself. not even yours. and that’s the guilt.

“are we okay?”

“what?”

it’s almost devastating. seulgi stares at her own tea. wendy doesn’t know what to say.

“are we okay?” seulgi asks again, her expression clouded, written right into her face. “i just... i feel really far away from you. i know most of it is my fault. i’m busy but that shouldn’t be an excuse -“

there are a million different things on the tip of her tongue. some easy, some not. wendy is frozen, staring at seulgi and suddenly missing her, missing a time where honestly doesn’t seem like a burden

“joohyunie likes you.”

seulgi’s eyes widen. wendy isn’t trying to be cruel. it feels like the first time she’s said the words out loud and it’s almost devastating. her ears are ringing and she’s just _sad_. maybe she’ll regret this later.

(she won’t.)

“i could go into it,” wendy murmurs too. looks away. her fingers wrap around the tea bag. “but I’m not cruel or a jerk. that’s between the two of you.”

she doesn’t want to look at seulgi. she can’t _look_ at seulgi. she doesn’t want to see the expression on her face. out of all of them, seulgi is always seulgi, open and honest and really just herself when none of them can. it’s the best part of her and the worst; wendy hates the unsettling feeling of jealousy that comes roaring. it shouldn’t be here.

“i wish i knew what to say.”

“there isn’t anything to say.”

seulgi sighs. her chair shuffles closer to the table. “you’re hurt,” she murmurs.

“i’m a lot of things,” wendy corrects. she smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “whatever it is though is between the two of you, not me and her or me and you. i’m sorry that you think that we’re not okay. we’re okay. we’ll be okay.”

and she stops there and then. sips her tea. thinks about changing the conversation but there’s nothing to say after that. everything always falls out into the open anyway. she wonders how much longer she can avoid it. they won’t be able to. she won’t be able to.

she and seulgi walk home together anyway.

it’s the new normal.

a note:

wendy can’t remember when she started liking irene. likes to think it was more of a gradual situation then a big bang theory. most people to assign a beginning, middle, and end. for wendy, it seemed like there were too many small moments for her to really realize what was going on. when irene waits for her after vocal lessons. or how she offered to be around when dancing would start again. every project, there would be dinner.

but then there was the more. the light night talks on the kitchen floor, sharing ice cream and wine because “you’re beautiful and _fuck_ the internet!” was always the right thing to say. it was more than just flutters or blushes or her knee touching wendy’s or sitting close to each other.

at some point, whether it’s love or not love or almost love, needing to be near someone becomes the desire to be with someone, to be happy along side them as yourself.

wendy can’t pinpoint the moment. but it’s there and it will always be there.

that’s the scariest thing about love.

her room is empty on the other side of the hallway.

“she’s in the kitchen,” yeri says, passing. says something too about going to taeyeon’s because the atmosphere is better. wendy doesn’t blame her.

the truth? she’s not scared. maybe a bit anxious. it still walks her down to the kitchen. finds her finding irene on the floor with dinner, stabbing broccoli because she’s still in the middle of promotions.

wendy stays in the frame of the door. listens to the apartment. not to make sure it’s just the two of them. but to know that it’s just the two of them. she really can’t help herself.

“you’re supposed to eat it.”

irene turns her mouth. stabs her broccoli again. “i keep trying.”

“doesn’t look like it’s working out.”

“it’s not. as usual, the broccoli wins.”

wendy takes that as an invitation to sit. picks a spot by their sink and drawls her legs up against her chest. it’s not comfortable; she doesn’t know what else to do.

they’re quiet for a moment too. stealing glances at each other. it seems like they’re in the same boat: what to say, how to say it, and why. it’s still irene that sighs first. she inches forward, poses a serious expression across her face. her eyes are dark. her mouth is firm and set and if wendy wasn’t as equally as resolved, she’d even call her beautiful to her face.

“you told her.” it’s not an accusation. irene sighs too. “seulgi,” she says.

“i did.”

“we didn’t talk about it. i didn’t know how.”

“seems like a running theme,” wendy says dryly.

irene snorts. “she said that you didn’t mean to.”

“ _no_.” wendy draws herself to sit straighter. “i did,” she hears herself say too. “i just said it was between the two of you. because she asked me if we were okay.”

“us?”

“no. seulgi and i.”

“are you?”

wendy feels surprised. she wonders if it shows. she shrugs. “i don’t know right now,” she says. “but we’ll figure it out. and will be.”

“is it my fault?” if the look on irene’s face wasn’t so devastating, wendy might laugh. it’s a knee-jerk reaction at that point. but irene also sighs. puts her fork down. “sorry,” irene says. but doesn’t mean. “that’s a dumb question.”

wendy just shakes her head.

it's easy to ignore the question though. they fall back into an awkward silence. it’s not like she ever has a plan, wendy thinks. she looks off to the side, wonders if this is where it ends. stagnant.

“we’ve kissed. twice.”

wendy looks up. irene’s looked away, staring into space.

“you and me,” irene clarifies too. seems to think she has to clarify. “twice,” she repeats. “and it’s thrown me through such a loop that I just don’t know what to do. how do I talk to you? do i talk to you? how i talk to her? is there a point?” she taps the side of her head. “nothing makes sense and for the first time, in a really long time, i don’t know what to do.”

there’s a lot in there. stuff wendy can’t even begin to unpack. you don’t have a monopoly on any of this, she wants to say. but that seems selfish. and a move that she might not even be able to handle.

but then irene continues:

“when i kissed you, nothing made sense. it seemed like the thing to do. then it didn’t. then i thought to myself, why stop. then I stopped. i can’t answer any of the feelings that are suddenly there. that’s what that feels like. and the scariest part? is that i want to keep doing it. over and over -“

wendy drops a hand on her leg and irene stops talking. she’s moved closer. doesn’t remember moving closer. doesn’t matter though. making her stop talking seems to be the only thing she can do.

but every thought, every moment she’s willed herself through seems to have no purpose. she stops thinking about everything - of irene and seulgi, of the other girls and herself. of the fact that this, whatever this is, is just going to move forward without waiting for her.

“i like you,” she says quietly. finally. “i think by now it’s pretty obvious, but i also think i need to say the words out loud. so here: i like you. i like you and I think -“ she stops herself. here, wendy thinks, looking right at irene. here is where it hurts. “and i think i need to be okay with you not liking me.”

there’s a weight that’s lifted as soon as wendy says the words. it’s almost surreal as she feels it. how long have i been carrying this, she wonders. as if it mattered. or how long has it been something she needed to hear.

she can’t read irene’s expression though. or hasn’t been paying attention long enough to guess what she’s thinking. instead, she lets herself be selfish for that one moment. reaches forward and cups irene’s face between her hands. slowly, she leans in. presses her mouth against the bridge of irene’s nose, then her cheek, then her jaw. it takes everything in her to _not_ kiss her. even though her body is starting to ache and her mouth feels a little funny, halfway between a laugh and some kind of a smile. personal growth, she thinks.

“i’m going to go to bed,” she says. if she’s not careful, it might feel too much like a goodbye. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

irene lets her go.

(what else could she do?)

joy is the only one that knows she’s starting light choreo. or she’s actively told that she is.

“are you sure this is a good idea?” she asks. they occupy one of the smaller company studios, away from the main building. “not that I think you can’t do it-“

wendy laughs a little. “i’m not going to break, you know.”

“I just worry. solidarity!”

they share a look. wendy reaches forward and ruffles joy’s hair. she means well, she thinks. and then watches as joy’s expression crumbles, just a little.

“it’ll be okay,” wendy murmurs.

“i just can’t focus these days,” she admits. “i’m angry and i think i need a break, but saying that comes with consequences. and then, well, the other stuff.”

joy says _the other stuff_ so lightly that wendy has to strain herself to hear. she even pulls her down to the floor with her to stretch, as if joy were ready to go through the motions with her and stay for the session.

“the other stuff.” wendy pauses. feels a little serious. “i don’t have any advice about the other stuff. other than to say what you need to say. to whoever needs to hear it.”

joy nods. doesn’t say anything. reaches gently for wendy’s arms to help her stretch. wendy suspects that it’s joy that got seulgi to talk; seulgi is the most non-confrontational out of all of them. she’s lucky that way.

“you’ll be okay,” she says too.

joy smirks. “i know. i always am.”

they dissolve into laughter. it feels good to laugh and wendy feels her body respond well to the stretches. she stares at herself in the mirror too, slowly starting to recognize the person that’s staring back. it’s journey, she thinks. and then hates herself for it. but the pieces have always been there, not waiting, but there. she knows she hasn’t changed.

in the glass, she watches the door to the room open slightly. there’s a pause and no one comes in. the teacher is usually on the later side, so she thinks nothing of it. hopes it’s not a surprise because she hates them. but it’s not until she hears a laugh and then a _congratulations!_ that she realizes what’s happening. her ears start to ring. her palms feel a little hot. even joy’s fingers tense of her arm.

it’s not a gesture. 

irene walks through the door.

**Author's Note:**

> I definitely didn't expect this to turn into a series! But here we are, lmao.
> 
> There will be one more part to this. All previous parts are listed under the series name, [let's talk about the weather](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843702).
> 
> Thank you so much for all your kind comments! RL has been nuts this week, but I promise I'll get around to replying. Thank you for reading and it makes me really happy that everyone is enjoying it!


End file.
